Stock Photos of Babies

So I have a new job! At a parenting website! Which is both really great and means that I spend a lot of time looking at stock photos of babies. (I've also learned a number of things about pregnancy that I think most people would rather never know, but let's not get into that.)

It turns out that people take really crazy photos of their families. I'd like to take a moment and present to you some of the more disturbing trends in lifestyle photography that I've become aware of. Let's go by order of life event, shall we?

Wreck the Dress

After you get married, you have yet another photo session that shows you destroying your expensive wedding gown. I don't get it. I think it's either a ploy by wedding photographers to keep the cash flow moving in the off season, or a compulsion by new brides who are suddenly faced with the fact that they're no longer the center of attention.

Birth Announcements

I don't know what about pregnancy inspires people to hold up signs and take photos of themselves. It's a boy! It's a girl! Look, my husband's holding the sign! Look, my toddler's holding the sign! Look, we spelled out the gender of the baby in face paint on my belly! There's the occasional giggle, but for the most part, please hold the cheese.

Naked Bumps

Maybe I just wasn't raised in that kind of family. When I was 10 years old and my mom was pregnant, she didn't waltz around topless with her other children draped on her. (She did teach me how to carry two full grocery bags up a set of stairs. For a third-grader, that's pretty good!)

Amy Close Photography

Cake Smash

Did you know that people dress their 1-year-old babies up in precious outfits and then prod them to shove cake in their faces? It's true. And it's alive and well on Pinterest.

Crab Apple Photography

Toddler Outfits

I hope you're all familiar with Quinoa's work on Pinterest. If you're not, prepare yourself to waste half an hour and then click here. I love. But the best part about it is that there are people who are sincerely dressing up their 2- to 4-year-old girls like Vogue pixies and encouraging them to stand on stumps while they find the right Instagram filter. If you have the time and can afford the inevitable therapy bills, I say go for it. I'm actually kind of enjoying this one.

My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter

Have you seen any photos lately that made you stop and think--wait, what?!!