Starbucks vs. La Boulange: Why I'm Upset

Almond Croissant, La Boulange

About 12 months ago, Starbucks broke the news that they were acquiring La Boulange. Cue collective groaning. I believe my exact words were, "UGH! Why?! The whole world is getting lamer!!"

I've been a devotee of La Boulange for some time. I've frequented it since we moved to San Francisco. There's a location three blocks from our apartment in Noe Valley. I go at least once a week. Usually immediately following Saturday morning spin class, whereupon I devour an almond croissant (one step forward, two steps back). I make dirty faces at small children who scream while I'm trying to read. I know the baristas. Basically, it's home.

So here's the thing about La Boulange: It's not perfect. Tartine it's not. It's not even particularly authentically French. (Chocolate chips in madeleines? If you say so.) But in the realm of things that are readily available that don't totally suck, I find them outstanding. There's a big difference between La Boulange and trending bakeries like Miette, Patisserie Philippe, and Craftsman and Wolves. Let's call a spade a spade: La Boulange is a chain. They're not small batch and precious and thoughtful. But they do manage to crank out fresh pastries to over a dozen locations around the Bay Area, and you know what? The croissants are actually good. You can find a La Boulange in most neighborhoods. Sometimes, it's great to have a known quantity. You can pop in and out, and five minutes and five dollars later, you'll have a decent coffee and a fresh croissant.

The Starbucks takeover signaled the beginning of the end. I feared that La Boulange would only get bigger and more corporate and more, well, like a chain. Over time, this fear has been confirmed. Slowly and steadily, Starbucks and La Boulange are mutually making each other worse.

La Boulange pastry display

Menu Changes: La Boulange

So the whole schtick with La Boulange is that it's French, right? They serve boulangerie-style breads like baguette and brioche, patisserie-style pastries like macarons and financiers, and bistro-style croques, soupes, and salades. Cafe au lait arrives in a bowl. When you get your sandwich, you can load up on cornichons, Nicoise olives, and Dijon mustard. There are some questionable departures (see above note on madeleines), but they have a theme and it works.

Following the merger, a "frittata egg sandwich" turned up on the menu. I take it that somebody brilliant at Starbucks decided that Americans like egg sandwiches to go. First of all, frittata is Italian. Second of all, France has an iconic egg dish: QUICHE. What's wrong with quiche? Why do we have to go making up faux sandwiches?

The day they mess with the cannelés de Bordeaux, they're dead to me.

Starbucks pastry display

Menu Changes: Starbucks

So I know that Starbucks has become this huge, omnipresent entity, but let's not forget that it actually is responsible for a fairly pivotal moment in food history. Starbucks introduced Americans to Italian-style espresso. For huge swaths of America that were drinking battery-acid drip coffee up until the late 90s, that was a big deal. For San Franciscans like myself who quibble the merits of one small-batch roaster over another (I'm pro Blue Bottle), we tend to forget that life used to be very, very different.

Today, Starbucks does not try to be Italian in the way that La Boulange strives to be cute and French. Perhaps it never did. But I still don't really get the logic of pairing espresso with French pastry. Not that I was super attached to the Starbucks food offerings. Everything in there looked like it had been made five days ago. In a pinch, I would grab a slice of pound cake, which is actually something that I would personally bake and eat five days later, because I know that it holds up well. I'll go so far as to say that I liked Starbucks pumpkin bread. It was moist and sweet and spiced. You just couldn't think too hard about how many preservatives were in there.

The pumpkin bread is gone. They have cleared out the cases and replaced them with La Boulange pastries which are mysteriously not at all like the pastries you actually buy at La Boulange. In fact, they're dreadful, and a La Boulange barista told me that her friend who is a Starbucks barista told her that those pastries sit in a freezer at Starbucks for three weeks. I arrest my case.

Enough with the Heating Things Up

Finally, WHAT is the obsession with heating things up? You can't escape this at either Starbucks or La Boulange now. In fact, I got into an argument with a Starbucks barista over a morning bun. He told me he was "supposed to heat everything up." I told him to hand it over. And I'm here to tell you, hot or cold, it was still the worst morning bun of my life. (This was before I learned about the three-weeks-in-the-freezer deal. That's the last Starbucks croissant I'll ever eat.)

Microwaving is not going to make a two-week old frozen pastry any younger. And microwaving is not going to do anything to improve upon a truly fresh croissant. An almond croissant still warm from the oven is a beautiful thing. But a chocolate croissant an hour or two later, cooled to room temperature, is still SO MUCH BETTER than the dilapidated pain au raisin I received from La Boulange this morning. Please don't fake "fresh." Please don't abuse delicious pastries that were actually fresh to begin with. Please just stop.

Chocolate-Hazelnut Croissant, La Boulange

Looking Forward

When the merger happened, I expected Starbucks to make La Boulange worse. The unexpected twist was that La Boulange made Starbucks worse. With time, is it possible that things will get better? Will they fire the idiot with the egg sandwich idea? Will they bring the pumpkin bread back? Only time will tell, but I'm afraid I'm not optimistic.

It goes back to one of the most annoying cruxes of bakeries, which I alluded to earlier with Tartine. When they're small, they're good. But then they get too good, and then they're not small anymore. And then they're not good anymore. It's like there are two extremes. At the one end, you have the bakeries who insist on being small. That leads to long wait times and situations where a Tartine hipster-barista is giving you a hard time for ordering a dozen morning buns ("We'll give them to, but we're not supposed to, but just today . . . "). And on the other end of the spectrum, you have La Boulange foisting egg sandwiches on people and recklessly heating things up. I mean, I ask you.

In the off chance this has come off as a bit of a rant, I'd like to conclude by reiterating that I really do love La Boulange. I love the chocolate-hazelnut croissants so very, very much. I wish it the best. And I will watch it's slow and steady downfall with a sigh and a heavy heart.